Mindfulness for Parents

A Parents Practical Guidelines for a Mindfulness Practice

Setup Your practice in Plain Sight. If using a meditation cushion, place it in a place in your home where it will be noticed everyday. For example your bedroom floor, as you pass by let it invite you to practice meditation daily. Just five minutes a day could turn your life around.

Live by Routine. Develop a routine for bedtimes, plan meals ahead. A predictable flow of a healthy and secure life will help everyone relax.

Turn Off Distractions. Control TV and computer usage, it will reduce distraction and stimulation. It begins with you the parent.

More Attention. Devote at least one hour a day to giving your undivided attention to your children. Not with your agenda in mind but according to their terms. This is the ultimate expression of love you can give.

Take a Break before you do. Find quiet time for your self. Maybe a walk around the block or a spot in the garden. 

Restore Household Harmony. Be the first to apologize. Your children learn from your actions.

Watch Their Lives Unfold. Refrain from making judgments and coming to rash conclusions about your children. Watch their lives unfold, let them surprise you. You have the best seat in the house.  

If the Buddha were here to give relationship advice to us today.

Ever wondered what it would be like to have the ancient wisdom of the Buddha to guide you through the dating process? 

If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., since it was published in 1999 it has been loved by those seeking relationship advice.
If the Buddha were to give dating tips, they might be a little confusing to some modern-day folks. So consider this a Top 10 CliffsNotes, each with modern day explanations.

• “When you say goodbye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are but a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn’t leave a scar.” Translation: Do whatever it takes to leave on good terms.


• “Equality doesn’t need to mean that both people earn the same amount of money, have equal status, or equally good looking. It means they value each other as equals when it comes to making plans, making love or making decisions. They have an equal voice. One should not have to sacrifice himself, or herself, to the other.” Translation: Equality is not based on materialistic things or statistics. Equality is based on shared values, shared communication, and shared self-respect. 


• “In an unequal relationship, because the subordinate mate gives in reluctantly and complies, the dominant ones are never challenged to reflect on themselves. There is little or no growth, flexibility, or no forming of the “us” bond that brings two people into spiritual union.” Translation: In equal relationships, both people are challenged to grow and evolve together, rather than one person always pushing for the other partner’s growth.


• “Things are always changing—our thoughts, cells, hormones, hairline, consciousness, relationship, and the landscape around us. Instead of trying to freeze the present moment and hanging onto it, we need to remember that life is a process of constantly letting go.” Translation: The only constant is change. Every present moment is a chance to embrace the newness and let go of the past. Nothing is permanent. 


• “To be loyal to our journey is to know the rhythm, tone, and pulse of our essential inner world- the song that is ours alone. When two people bring the richness of their inner music to each other, they bring the possibility of a new composition, of counterpoint, harmony, voices weaving together creating a magical composition. If we’re disconnected from the music of our essence and attempt to find happiness through another’s song, there will be a dependency and relationship without harmony.” Translation: We must know and accept who we are fully before we enter a relationship, or else we end up in a co-dependent relationship. When two whole people join in a supportive relationship, the results can be magical. 


• “If we have the belief ‘I’ll always be abandoned’ we create situations where we’ll be abandoned, and forget to notice when people are loyal friends. Our task on the spiritual path is to stop repeating the same old stories and become aware of all the ways we keep proving our stories are true.” Translation: Thoughts become things, and we become our thoughts. Choose to write your own fate for better results. 


• “We can either bargain, hold back, and hang onto comfort and security, or we can take a deep breath, and say take me, and leap into the fire.” Translation: Taking a risk is often worth it, especially in love.


• “There are so many dating books with numerous rules about the right thing to do and say when dating. On the spiritual path, the ‘rules’ are simple. Simply ask yourself, am I being guided by my rigid ego” Translation: Ego-driven actions love rules. The spirit of love needs no rules to guide us.


• “Ego says I want someone to fill me up. Non-ego says I’ll have someone to help me wake up, to challenge my blind spots and be a companion and playmate on the journey. Translation: If we believe and live as already-full beings (complete), we don’t look to others to fulfill us. 


• “Another aspect of loving kindness is to remember that it’s not being free of imperfections that’s crucial to relationships, it’s being honest about our faults and mistakes. When we accept our humanness we become able to apologize (not grovel) for having been rude, insensitive, or dishonest. Our apology to another is a form of compassion to ourselves because it signifies acceptance. This is at the heart of intimacy.” Translation: By honestly accepting our faults and mistakes and apologizing with sincerity, we practice compassion towards ourselves and others.

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The Illusion of I and Why Practice Buddhism?

The Illusion of I

          The Buddha said that this self which we call an "I" is an Illusion created by a mind which cannot penetrate reality - such a mind is suffering from ignorance. As we practice the Buddha's path we will begin to replace ignorance with wisdom. With wisdom, we will realize that a person is essentially a set of processes, or behavior's grouped into two classes: Mind and Matter. The second group appears as a solid body but is in reality a series of processes or qualities (solidity, fluidity, heat, and motion) which are forms of energy in various combinations. They are never constant, always moving, always changing, so they have no ultimate reality. The first group is more subtle, although they are also energies ( feelings, perceptions, mental habits, consciousness). They too have no ultimate reality, but are constantly changing, and so rapidly that the normal person cannot perceive the change and mistakes it for something permanent. These energies are neither are neither created at birth not destroyed at death, but go on relentlessly through what we call samsara. (The Buddha went further and discovered Nirvana, in which the energy and its ceaseless activity is permanently stilled, like the flame of a candle being blown out.)
       
      The Buddha's path can be realized gradually depending on how sincere, and how determined we are on following it. But understanding must be there in some degree, no matter how small, if we are to practice Buddhism correctly.

Why We Need To Practice Buddhism?

      The Buddha teaches that, because of ignorance, we must have created the illusion of a "real" self and then we are trapped in the cycle of births and deaths because of this. We cannot escape from it even though we enjoy temporary flashes of pleasure; we are at it's mercy. But when we come into contact with the Buddha's teaching we are offered a way out to overcome this suffering; we become masters of our own fate. We must follow the Noble Eightfold Path. When we have followed the path successfully, and broken through delusion, we have have achieved Nirvana - this is the final peace and salvation. And following of this path is what we call PRATICE of  BUDDHISM.

I would like to thank Vijaya Samarawickrama for this great teaching from his book "A Buddhist Reflects On Spirituality".

This is The Self Proclaimed Solitary Buddhist wishing you a Blessed day and passing on all of my accumulated merits to you and yours in this life or the next.

The Buddha Gave Relationship Advice?

Dhammapada for the 21st Century

Who knew the Buddha was giving relationship advice so many years ago?

Of course the Buddha at the time was talking to monk's, in reference to them all getting along. In my opinion, I think it would apply to FRIENDS and RELATIONSHIPS today. 

Please leave a comment after reading, let me know if you found this useful. Thanks!

Dhammapada Verse 328-330

Friends on the road again.

Verse 328 - If one finds a thoughtful friend who is honest, reliable, and dependable. One should remain friends with that person joyfully and mindfully overcoming all obstacles.

  

Verse 329 - If one can not find a thoughtful, honest, and reliable friend one should continue your virtuous life alone until you do.....  (note: of course you still have the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. So you are not totally alone. Just saying.) 

Good friends are hard to come by but are worth it

Verse 330 - It is better to face life alone, because there is no friendship with a person who lacks good judgement.