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Showing posts with label Mindfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mindfulness. Show all posts

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Mindfulness Practices for Beginners

Although mindfulness meditation is all the rage these days, most of us have little time for formal practice.

Studies have found mindfulness meditation has many benefits.

  • Reducing Depression
  • Reducing Pain
  • Increasing Creativity
  • Accelerating Cognition
  • Settling the Mind
Mindfulness meditation doesn't have to be a chore in itself. There are quick and easy ways to add a little mindfulness into your busy everyday life.

  1. Walking Meditation - Easiest and best done somewhere with few distractions, but you can try this one anywhere you will be walking for as little as ten to fifteen minutes. As with most forms of mindfulness, it's about focusing your attention. Start with how your feet feel touching the ground with each step, then you can begin focusing on your breath or maybe move your attention around to each part of your body. The key is to develop a relaxed state of attention. When your mind wanders bring it back without judging yourself.
  2. Eating Meditation - Practice a little mindfulness meditation while you eat. When you take that first bite, really notice how it tastes. Take notice of how it smells or maybe the textures in your mouth. You don't want to do this the entire meal. But as a tool to focus your attention on the present moment.
  3. Small Break - Turn away from the computer, tablet, or smartphone. Just sit for a while noticing the sensations in your mind and body. How do you feel? What can you hear? Just being present in the moment. Let wandering thoughts go, and bring your focus back to the present. Just be.
  4. Mindful Listening - We get used to all of the commotion of life that we have a tendency to tune out things in our surroundings. ie; If you live in a city, there might be sirens, trains, and the hustle and bustle of people.  In the country, trees sway about, or maybe birds sing. What can you hear right now? As an exercise, you can put on some music, try to not let your mind wander. It may remind you of something or someone, bringing your mind back to the music. Try not to focus on the lyrics just take notice of the flow of the music.  
  5. The Small Things - Even small things we do on a daily basis can become an opportunity to experience this moment. Brushing your teeth, your mind may be thinking of a thousand other things. Instead, try to focus on the task at hand. Take notice of the taste of the toothpaste, and how the bristles feel on your teeth. Showering or bathing is yet another opportunity to focus your mind on your senses instead of worries and useless thoughts.
  6. The Breath - One of the most well-known techniques to focus on the moment is paying attention to your breath. Simply experiencing your breath in and out, it's like push-ups for your mind.
Hopefully, these exercises will help you develop a mindfulness practice. By no means is this list all there is.  

A quote from mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn,

"Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally."

So don't feel limited to these exercises. Feel free to mix and match, explore the internet, and find the ones that fit you and your life the best.

Almost any activity can be incorporated into your mindfulness practice, and "Practice Makes Perfect."

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

6 Incredible Health Benefits Of Mindfulness

Discover Seven Minute Mindfulness

By Greg Thurston

Creator of Seven Minute Mindfulness 


"Mindfulness" is a bit of a buzzword right now, but that doesn't mean that you should discredit it. Being mindful is one of the best things you can do for your body and mind!

But you might not be sure what it is. Is mindfulness just being more aware? Or does it mean clearing your mind?

Being mindful, in one sense, is like simplifying things. Normally we try to multitask all day, worrying about 20 things while doing 10. That doesn't work too well.

Being mindful means focusing on the present moment. Being fully here. It allows you to attend to what's going on right around you and inside you. So it simplifies things because you can just enjoy the present moment.

You can mediate to be more mindful, and you can practice it throughout your day. Whatever you're doing, give it all of your attention. Be proactive about putting down your other worries and being present in what you're doing and who you're with.

To experience the ultimate feelings of inner calm and presence, I highly recommend that you follow this link...

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You'll gain inner peace, happiness and feel 'uncluttered' in your life.

Mindfulness is a gift that we don't give to ourselves much. In fact, our society teaches that we should be getting as much done as possible all the time, which leads to burnout, stress, health problems, and lower productivity.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, offers the opposite, so let's take a look at all the benefits of mindfulness.


1. Mindfulness reduces stress

Let's start with the biggie. In today's world, we really battle stress from all sides.



If we carry around all the things we have to worry about, our mind never gets a break. That's why so many people are completely burned out, feeling down, and stressed to the point of panic attacks or needing medication.

This kind of worrying steals away any chance of joy or relaxation in our day. You probably know how it goes: you're sitting at your desk at work, stressed about a deadline, and also about a disagreement with your partner, and some tension you're feeling with a coworker, and the company party you're supposed to attend tonight...

Constantly carrying all of these things and feeling continued stress leads to:

  • Restless sleep
  • A racing mind
  • Low energy
  • Feeling irritable
  • Feeling defensive
  • Getting angry easier
  • Panic attacks
  • Constant panic
  • Headaches, body aches, migraines
  • Jaw pain from clenching teeth
  • Tight shoulders and back pain
  • Depression
As you can see, trying to keep everything on your mind leads to all kinds of problems, resulting in lower productivity and even worse things.

We might even feel guilty if we forget to worry about something. Do you ever do that? You'll finally get absorbed in something and it feels really nice, but then you remember all the things that aren't resolved, and you feel guilty for letting yourself have a few minutes.

But you need those minutes!

Being mindful and present will allow you to get absorbed in what you're doing, give it your full attention so you can do better, and you'll feel more clear and mentally energized.

Your body and brain weren't made to handle constant stress. It's so much healthier to be present and put aside the other pressing thoughts.

Challenge yourself to be mindful in one activity a day: a walk, mediation, making a craft, writing, drawing, singing, or something else you enjoy.

See how it feels to let yourself be fully present with that one thing and not have thoughts about anything else. And then see how you feel the rest of the day.

Click Here To Discover 7 Minute Mindfulness 

2. Mindfulness creates better health

Being mindful and present lowers our stress levels and also centers us, bringing many health benefits.

You might notice that you're calmer after practicing mindfulness, your head feels more clear and focused, you're more productive, and more alert.

Being mindful greatly benefits your mind, and that in turn benefits your body and overall health.

People who practice being mindful have higher brain function, an increased immune function, lower blood pressure, lower anxiety levels, and are calmer.

We've heard this for years, but experts were talking about meditation and yoga. Both of those are ways to be mindful!

3. Mindfulness decreases depression symptoms

When you decrease stress and improve your health, that can help with depression.

Mindfulness does that and more. It's been considered an effective part of overall depression treatment for a long time.

Being mindful often helps people see and acknowledge their feelings, and that leads to better coping. Be mindful and let you say, "I see that I'm feeling that way, and that's okay."

Being mindful engages the observant self, so you can notice how you're feeling, and what you're thinking, but not get completely sucked into those feelings. You can step back and analyze the situation better.

4. Mindfulness increases Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is one of those fun words (in my opinion) that show you what they mean. Neuro, or brain, plus plasticity, or being flexible.

Think about how plastic can be soft and pliable.

Being mindful helps your brain increase its ability to change and adapt, which is pretty important to our survival even though we're not back in the caveman era.

In a simple sense, neuroplasticity refers to how our brain grows, learns, and changes. When we change our minds or learn new things, we actually make new pathways.

But this has bigger scientific implications. When someone has a stroke and has to relearn how to walk, they're actually learning how to re-circuit their brain around the damaged area.

Imagine how much stronger your brain will be if you practice mindfulness and therefore improve neuroplasticity. That's a huge advantage for dealing with all of life's curves and for any brain damage you might suffer.

5. Mindfulness helps you deal with illness

Studies have found that mindfulness helps people with cancer and people with a chronic illness-even terminal illness.

I can see why being in the moment more would help someone enjoy life day by day. Research has found that mindfulness helps cancer patients reduce stress while relieving fatigue.

For many, mindfulness increases our spirituality and sense of purpose, and it helps people handle their emotions regarding their illness.

Mindfulness can greatly improve life for people with chronic pain, such as low back pain. It helps patients focus on something other than the pain.

6. Mindfulness helps recovery

We've seen all the ways mindfulness benefits our mental and emotional health. It also helps us physically when we need to recover from illness.

This is probably due to all the other benefits of being mindful.

We have better focus, we're less stressed, we feel more at peace, and so we're happier.

We've talked about some big areas where mindfulness helps. To zoom in a bit, here's a list of more specific ways that being mindful improves our lives:

  • Better mental health
  • Less stress at work
  • Better emotional regulation
  • Fewer problems with alcohol and drugs
  • Less depression and anxiety
  • Better performance at school and work
  • Better relationships
  • Better self-awareness
  • Less burnout
  • Better able to cope with ups and downs
  • More resilience

We're just healthier when we're more mindful because people aren't really made to multitask 5 things all day long and always worry.


We can benefit from slowing down and enjoying the present moment. Why let other things detract from what you're doing? You can give those other things your attention in due time.

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Thursday, October 8, 2020

10 Guidelines for Meditation Success

10 Guidelines for Meditation Success 

Meditation and mindfulness have been growing in popularity. Even mainstream medicine is touting the virtues of meditation. Meditation is a skill that can be learned by anyone. However, learning a new skill is challenging. Try these helpful tips for greater success in your meditation.

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

10 Reasons Why You May Think Meditation Is Not Working For You

Meditation is simple, cheap, and highly effective, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. 
It actually is pretty easy, it’s just not what people expect it to be.

Beginners have all sorts of challenges when meditating, but most of them aren’t really problems. The complaints beginners have are simply part of the meditation process.


Meditation can work for everyone that puts in the time and effort.

Are these challenges holding you back?


1. Your mind is too active. Of course, it’s active. It takes practice before the mind quiets down, and it’s rarely silent even after years of practice. It takes about 20 minutes for experienced meditators to notice a slowing down of the mind.

●  This isn’t really a problem. Part of the purpose of meditating is to learn how your mind operates.


2. Your mind wanders. It’s not uncommon to suddenly realize that you’ve been daydreaming for the last five minutes. The solution is the same as the previous issue. Just return your attention to your breath and continue.

3. A lack of consistency. Meditation needs to be done daily to see the greatest benefits. It also needs to be done daily to gain a high level of proficiency. You can’t become skilled at what you don’t practice. Get as much practice as you can.

4. You fall asleep. It’s not easy to fall asleep if you have the proper posture. It should be impossible to stay asleep if you have the proper posture, as you’re sure to lose your balance and fall over.

  • The best position for meditating is to sit up straight. If you lie down, you may struggle to stay awake.

5. Body pains. Holding one position can be painful, especially when you’re just starting out with meditation. Over time, your aches and pains will largely go away.

● It’s best to try to remain still. Shifting your position will only give temporary relief, and the process starts all over again. No matter how much it hurts, you’ll find the pain fades away and eventually moves to another location if you stay still.


●  Itches fall into the same category. Just leave them alone and observe them.


6. Boredom. Yes, meditation can be boring, especially if you’re used to significantly more stimulation. Learn to sit still with your boredom and just observe it. Boredom can be more fascinating than you might think.

7. Rationalizing that quitting is a good idea. Common thoughts include things like, “This is a waste of time.” “Why am I doing this?” “Is this all there is?” Again, just sit with your thoughts and notice them. Every thought is as meaningless as the next.

8. Just realize that it’s your discomfort with stillness that’s bothering you. You’ll come to understand that many of the things you do in your life are to avoid this feeling. This includes things like staring at the TV and overeating.


9. Finding time. This excuse is hardly a valid excuse. Go to bed 20 minutes early and sit in the corner. Or get up 20 minutes early and do the same. The truth is, after a little practice, you can meditate at your desk or on a bus.


●  If you had time to watch TV, surf the internet, or play on your phone, you had time to meditate.


10. Desiring perfection. Perfection in meditation isn’t achievable, but you don’t need to be perfect. Put in the time with your best effort. That’s all that’s required.


Meditation rarely involves earth-shattering insights. It’s a gradual process that brings understanding over time.

The problems I've listed above aren’t really problems. They’re simply misunderstandings of what normally occurs during a meditation session. Each obstacle is nothing more than an opportunity to develop your meditation practice. Just keep at it and have faith that everything is as it should be. 


What does the path you follow look like?


Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Mindfulness for Parents

Meditating Parent
A Parents Practical Guidelines for a Mindfulness Practice

Setup Your practice in Plain Sight. If using a meditation cushion, place it in a place in your home where it will be noticed everyday. For example your bedroom floor, as you pass by let it invite you to practice meditation daily. Just five minutes a day could turn your life around.

Live by Routine. Develop a routine for bedtimes, plan meals ahead. A predictable flow of a healthy and secure life will help everyone relax.

Turn Off Distractions. Control TV and computer usage, it will reduce distraction and stimulation. It begins with you the parent.

More Attention. Devote at least one hour a day to giving your undivided attention to your children. Not with your agenda in mind but according to their terms. This is the ultimate expression of love you can give.

Take a Break before you do. Find quiet time for your self. Maybe a walk around the block or a spot in the garden. 

Restore Household Harmony. Be the first to apologize. Your children learn from your actions.

Watch Their Lives Unfold. Refrain from making judgments and coming to rash conclusions about your children. Watch their lives unfold, let them surprise you. You have the best seat in the house.  

Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners

With this Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners, I'm supposed to learn the best Buddhist meditation techniques for quieting my mind, cultivating inner peace, and achieving sustained happiness.



The key to being successful with this meditation plan for beginners is to commit to it. . I need to try and do at least one of the exercises each day. In this set meditation training plan, it is suggested when to do each technique, but feel free to meditate according to your own plan. What matters with meditation is simply that you do it! So let’s get started.

A Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners: Step 1

The first step in our meditation plan for beginners is simply to acquaint yourself with the different types of techniques. Of course before starting something we need to learn a little or as much as we feel comfortable about it. Reading about some of the techniques that we have previously written about here or elsewhere, in books or watching videos on Youtube.com would be a great start. At the same time, it is important not just to read or watch videos but to also practice the techniques. Your meditation training should be broken down into 90% practice with a 10% theory.

To begin with, acquaint yourself with the following meditation techniques.

In a moment we will look at how to use these techniques for beginners in an ideal meditation plan. First, however, it is important to learn about the techniques themselves. Read through these descriptions and click the link for more detailed information on each technique.

Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners #1: Breathing: The absolute best technique for beginners is a simple breathing meditation. With this technique, you will learn to focus your mind on your breathing. This will teach you the basic process of meditation and is the entry point for more advanced techniques. Learn Breathing Techniques Here.

Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners #2 Mindfulness: Mindfulness is a simple practice that gets you to focus your mind on the present moment. This is important for many different reasons. It is an excellent way of removing stress and learning to relax, but it also makes you more effective at what you are doing because you will learn to focus your mind on your actions. Learn Mindfulness HERE.


Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners #3 Zen Walking:   With Zen Walking you will focus your mind on the process of walking. This is very important for many reasons. To begin with, you will heighten your mind/body connection. This helps to focus your mind on your actions and also makes you more aware of your body. Zen Walking is also a good form of gentle exercise and is one of the most relaxing meditation techniques in the world. Learn Zen Walking HERE.



Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners #4 Vipassana: 

 Vipassana is a specific type of meditation in which we cultivate mindfulness of thoughts. Essentially, with Vipassana meditation we learn to recognize when we are experiencing thoughts, we then learn to see a thought as only a thought and nothing more. This is very important for quieting the mind. Once we become more aware of our thoughts we are able to silence them. Most people think mindlessly. They simply think about things over and over without awareness of the fact that they are thinking and that their thoughts are interfering with the mind. When we practice Vipassana meditation we learn to recognize thoughts, which in turn gives us control over our thoughts and finally allows us to quiet the mind. A very impressive website to learn  Vipassana meditation. But if you are looking for a simpler explanation here you go click here.

 

Buddhist Meditation Techniques for Beginners Step 2:

Now that we are familiar with the different types of Buddhist techniques it is time to put that knowledge into practice by adopting a training plan. Here is the plan that's recommended.

WEEK 1: The most important thing in your first week is simply to commit to practice. In week 1 you want to do only the simplest techniques, which is a breathing meditation. Take twenty minutes each day to sit and focus your mind on your breathing. This will quiet your mind and enhance your focus. Choose a time each day where you can focus on your breath for twenty minutes. Do not focus on results during this time, simply aim to do twenty minutes of breathing meditation each day.

WEEK 2: In week 2 you will want to continue your breathing practice, continuing your commitment to those twenty minutes a day. We now want to advance our progress a little too, though, which is why we will now introduce Zen Walking. In Zen walking, we usually walk on a short and straight path. However, this demands that we put aside another 20 minutes to practice. Many people simply don’t have the time. For this reason, It's recommended practicing Zen walking while on your way somewhere. If you are going to work, for instance, choose a safe path to walk and leave a little earlier than usual. This will give you the time to practice zen walking while you are on your way to work (which saves time compared to having a dedicated schedule for this practice). You may practice Zen walking whenever you are on a safe path, so the next time you are walking somewhere, go a safe route, and while you walk.

WEEK 3: In week 3 we want to begin to use meditation in our everyday living. For this we use mindfulness. It is possible to practice mindfulness meditation while doing anything. Say, for instance, that you are doing the dishes. You can meditate on the process of cleaning, thus practicing while you work. You can equally practice while exercising while showering, and while doing other simple tasks. By practicing mindfulness meditation while you work you are learning to adopt a meditative style of living, rather than simply practicing at specific times.

WEEK 4: In this final week I recommend adding Vipassana to your current meditation training schedule. For this, you will need another time slot of twenty minutes each day to sit and observe your mind. I have added two resources for you to "click" on in the article on Vipassana Meditation. I really do recommend a more detailed website. It has an enormous amount of detailed information that is very useful in this meditation practice.

So there it is the complete schedule for “A Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners”

What I ended up with in week 4 is a complete training plan that looks like this:
Breathing Meditation: Practice 20 minutes of mindful breathing per day
Mindfulness: While doing any simple tasks, do them mindfully
Walking: While en route somewhere, take the safe path and practice Zen Walking
Insight Meditation: Include a second 20 minute period per day when you will practice Vipassana Meditation (Insight Meditation).

The complete Buddhist Meditation Plan for Beginners. With this meditation plan for beginners, I hope to find inner peace and sustained happiness.


Meditation For Stress Relief

Meditation For Stress Relief
Have you tried meditation to solve your stress and health problems? If you haven’t yet, now may be one of the best times to make that experience a reality. Mediation is one of the most sought after forms of stress relief and is even recommended by many doctors.

If you are someone that spends your evenings worrying, stressing about all that needs to get done and even feeling physically bad without being sick, then meditation may be an ideal solution for you.

In meditation, you transform the way that your mind is working. While you can’t say that it’s a simple process, meditation is something that you can easily learn to do and then use daily.

In fact, studies show that when you do allow yourself (especially your mind) to meditate for just a few minutes each day, you can reduce the stress levels you face improving your quality of life.

There are many more benefits to meditation. For each person, this experience is going to be quite unique. If you wish to find out what it can offer you, you must learn to meditate. There is nothing negative that can come of meditation.

As you will learn the further you look into meditation, there are many different types of meditation. Some are very ancient methods that have been used for thousands of years by various cultures. Others are much more modern and, in such, are sometimes more popular. Yet, learning about these types is something you should invest in.

Finding the right type of meditation for you is key and the process means educating yourself about the various types of meditation that you can select from. Yet, all of these methods of meditation will fall into one of two different classifications. If you were to select meditation on any sole factors, it would be based on these two methods available. Thoroughly exploring both of these methods of meditation can be very important to finding success. You’ll need to experiment with both types, eventually, to determine the best route for you to take.



Focused Meditation

 

 

 

 

 

 

Concentrative Meditation



The first type of meditation is that of concentrative meditation. In this type of meditation, the focus is on the way that you breathe, on an image, or on a sound. Sound, or mantra, is often used. By using these tools, so to speak, you are able to clear the mind and allow for greater awareness as well as clarity.
To focus on meditation, you’ll use one of these elements to help you to focus. By focusing on it, like you would a camera lens, you can then effectively reach the state that you are in.

Breathing

One method of concentrative meditation that is commonly used is that of concentrating on your breathing. It is probably the most simple of methods to use because you can do it any time without much need.

Breathing is effective because of how it plays a role in your daily life and well being. Many of hose that practice other alternative medicines, such as yoga, also believe that breathing is essential to maintaining the correct state of mind. In meditation, it is believed that breathing must be regulated in order to meditate properly.

You can see this clearly in your everyday life without considering meditation at all. When you are relaxed and comfortable, your breathing is slow and deeper. But, when you are worried, stressed or anxious, your breathing speeds up. If you are distracted, this happens as well. By regulating your breathing, you can focus your mind and gain control over it more effectively.

But, how does breathing effect meditation? Have you ever felt overwhelmed and anxious? Were you afraid or even terrified? If so, then you may have told yourself to take a deep breath and to calm down. As you can see, you can control your own breathing.

As a tool in meditation in the concentrative methods, you can gain control over your mind using breathing. To do this, you must regulate the breathing. To do this, you’ll need to focus on the rhythm of your breathing. The rhythm is the movement between inhaling and exhaling.
When you do this, sit and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing, the movement of air in and out of your body. You’ll need to concentrate on that breathing and only the breathing you are doing.

Soon, your meditation on breathing will become something that helps to ease your mind. You’ll see this as your breathing becomes more regular and then deeper and slower. When this happens, your mind too is changing. It becomes quiet, calm and collected. You’ll feel serenity and peace. You are also more aware of your surroundings and more likely to gain the benefits of meditation.
Breathing is just one example of concentrative meditation. There are many other forms, some of which we will talk about later in this book. Yet, remember that there is another type of method of meditation that accompanies concentrative meditation as the two forms that all methods and techniques of meditation fall under.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindful meditation is quite unlike that of concentrative. If we use the example of a lens to help show the difference, you can see this. In concentrative meditation, you are concentrating on one single thing, focusing the lens on that one element, like breathing or something in the room that you are in.
On the other hand is mindfulness meditation. Here, you are not focusing your lens, but widening it to include more and more information.
 
You may wonder just how including more of what is happening in any one moment can help you to collect your thoughts and focus your mind. Yet, the fact is that you can do this because of how you do it.
Using your abilities, you’ll become very much aware of everything around you including all of your feelings, the things that you see, the things you hear, the smells and sounds, the very elements that you may want to filter out of your mind.

From here, though, something is unique. You’ll notice and become mindful of these things, but you will not react to them. Instead, you are simply taking in whatever is happening in your mind. Don’t become overly involved with these elements. You won’t allow for images, thoughts, or memories to filter into your mind here as they do when you are concentrating.

Because, you are not becoming involved with the images and elements that are filtering through your mind; you actually calm down. Your mind is now clearer because it has taken in many of the things that are happening around you. You aren’t focusing in on any one thing. Instead, you are aware of everything going on, but not participating in it.
 
Although this method of meditation is one that is less well known and used by beginners because of how challenging it can be, it is still an ideal choice because it allows for a renewed sense of being and wholeness. By focusing on everything but not on one single thing, you can clear your mind fully.

All types of meditation fall in one of these groups. You will either use methods that are concentrative, in which you will concentrate on one thing to enter into a meditative state or you will use a mindfulness meditation method to enter this state. For those that are looking towards these methods and wondering which to choose, don’t. You can use both types of meditation to gain benefits and sometimes one method will work better than others will. With the ability to learn either type, you’ll be that much better at meditation that fits what you are doing and what your body and mind needs at any one time.






Namaste

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Reducing Suffering In Your Life

Stupa Karma Ling
Stupa Karma Ling (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How to reduce your suffering

In Buddhism, there is a practice called Mind Training and within this practice, there is a section on reducing one’s suffering. Now, suffering here means dissatisfaction with life, an unease, discontentment and a feeling that life could be better. The following four methods are described in mind training as the best way to stop the suffering of all beings, and bringing them, and ourselves, happiness. Of course, we have to be realistic and understand that life is not always going to be happy, and it is an unsatisfactory part of life that suffering is always lurking around the corner. However, these four practices will help to reduce our suffering and give us the tools to be able to cope with whatever comes our way.
Accruing Mental Stability
We have to take responsibility for our actions and ensure we act in a way that will help and not harm ourselves and others. This can be achieved by practicing the ten helpful acts and refraining from the ten harmful acts. These acts are listed below:
    Harmful Acts
  • Killing or causing others to kill
  • Stealing/taking what has not been given
  • Sexual misconduct – harming someone with the sexual act
  • Lying
  • Divisive speech – speech that divides people
  • Harsh words
  • Idle talk/gossip
  • Covetousness – a desire for things we do not have
  • Ill will – thinking harmful thoughts about someone
  • Inappropriate view – not understanding impermanence, cause & effect, non-self, and suffering
    Helpful Acts
  • Compassion
  • Generosity
  • Self-control
  • Truthfulness
  • Kind speech
  • Pleasant words
  • Helpful words
  • Contentment
  • Goodwill
  • Appropriate view











If we adhere to the ten helpful acts we will be helping ourselves and others. We will also be mentally calm, as we will not be tormented by past unacceptable behavior.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

How to keep your Monkey Mind from wreaking havoc on your relationship

Monkeys in a plum tree by Mori Sosen (1747–1821)
Monkeys in a plum tree by Mori Sosen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are your relationship problems due to your Monkey Mind?


Our Monkey Mind wrecks havoc on our ability to have a satisfying life and relationships. 

How to keep a Monkey-Mind from wreaking havoc on your relationship.

First thing first, know what you’re up against. Here are some common ways Monkey-Mind will distract you from the present moment:

Future Tripping

Being preoccupied with the future:

  • To-do list items
  • Plans
  • Uncertainty and apprehension about some future things like how a project or conversation will go.
  • Rehearsing conversations in your head that you may or may not ever have.

Advice: Notice that you’re future tripping, name it, and get it out of your head and either on to some paper or into your digital planner. If you need to make dinner reservations for your out-of-town guests, schedule some time to do it, set a reminder, or stop scrolling through twitter and do it now. The idea here is your monkey mind is working to remember to make the reservation, your mind is going through a lot of effort to bring it to the foreground so you don’t forget about it completely. Let your handy device do the remembering for you so you can take a deep breath, get present, and give your partner a nice smooch.  

Worrying About the Past

To live our best lives, we must stay in the present… and that means chasing Monkey Mind away. Here’s a guide to addressing this invisible troublemaker.

  • Obsessing about the past
  • Replaying convos in your head
  • Worrying that you didn’t show up as your best self
  • Wishing you had spoken up.
  • Beating yourself up for how you handled things.

Advice: This is guilt, shame, and regret territory. And it’s a huge waste of your precious presence if you’re stuck in the past worrying about a bunch of stuff that already happened—you’re missing out on so much that’s happening NOW. You’re going to need to stop the self-criticism and abuse and learn to drop the story about how you handled things, if you can learn anything from the past event, certainly take stock and apply your life nugget. But that doesn’t mean keep beating yourself up about it over and over. Take note and move on, clearing the internal clutter so there’s more space for presence in your life. Get out of the past, get back in your body, and feel your breath come in and out for a few minutes.
If you think about it your mind is a lot like a crazy monkey, it’s always running off, following this thought or that thought. You have no idea how you strayed from the path or when but you definitely did and now you’re caught in a thicket of thoughts, stressing out over this future event or that deadline. And just like that! You’re off on a whole mental detour, away from the present.
Monkey Mind (we all have one by the way) wreaks havoc on your ability to have a satisfying life—when you get carried off in a stream of thoughts, and you end up thinking about life as opposed to actually living it and enjoying it as it happens. And that’s a real problem for your relationships because you lose connection to not just your own physical and emotional experience but also to everything that’s going on between you and your partner.
Imagine: you’re together with your partner hanging out, having fun, or running errands and you get caught up in mentally composing that work email to your team; it means you’re missing out on your lady’s beautiful smile or that witty joke she cracked while you were only half-listening. It means you didn’t even notice that she lovingly put her hand on your knee while driving and kept it there the whole way home or that she always plants a kiss on your cheek when you hold the door open for her.
Opportunities for authenticity and intimacy show up all the time, but you’ll miss them if you succumb to your monkey-mind tendencies. Listen, when you consistently fail to seize those opportunities for connection, you’ll both end up feeling the distance and disconnection in your relationship, which I know isn’t what you ultimately want at all.
When presence is lacking, both parties can end up feeling alone, dissatisfied, confused, and blame themselves or each other for the disconnect. No fun.

Here’s how to stop your Monkey Mind

Stop Avoiding Difficult Emotions:

  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Resentment
  • Disappointment
  • Sadness
  • Loneliness
  • Feeling left out
  • Confusion
  • Overwhelm
  • Stress
  • Grief

Advice: Let’s face it, none of these emotions are easy to be with and how to handle our emotional upsets is something we simply aren’t taught in our culture. So we avoid them and try to either stuff them down or blame them on somebody or something. Both avoidance and blame require a lot of mental gymnastics to manage, which of course takes you right out of the here-and-now. So the trick is to learn how to feel and skillfully be with whatever’s happening for you. Emotions are what add the richness to our lives. Emotions, even the difficult ones, can serve as a compass to guide us. Sharing your emotional world with your partner is the doorway to a deeper connection and more intimacy. This means avoiding them and pretending you aren’t feeling the way you’re feeling is actually counterproductive. But it’s important to become adequate at understanding and supporting our emotional selves first. You have to feel it to heal it, and Meditation is a great tool for recognizing and understanding these difficult emotions.


Here Are 5 Steps to Mindfully Be with Difficult Emotions:

  • Name the emotion and feel it in your body. For example: ‘Anxiety is present and my belly feels tight.’
  • Notice the storyline about the emotion, this often includes blaming how you feel on circumstances or other people; ‘I wouldn’t have been in such a foul mood if I wasn’t late and I wouldn’t have been late if it wasn’t raining’. Drop the storyline and drop the blame.
  • Don’t stuff it down and try to avoid how you’re feeling, own it, and feel it. ‘You have to feel it to heal it’, as the adage goes.
  • Have compassion for the part of you that’s upset, no criticizing, or self-judgment here. Practice being a good friend to the part of you that’s feeling bad. You can use the breath to slowly breathe into the area you feel the emotion.
  • Practice sharing what’s happening for you with your partner without needing/wanting them to change or fix anything.


Tip: Taming the Monkey-Mind is a lifelong process and one of the best ways to start this worthwhile undertaking is to take up a regular meditation practice, keep it short to start, three to five minutes maximum. 


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